Plans and No Plans- written 2020
Hoping you’re okay tonight, finding some peace. We could all use some compassion and kindness these days, even to show to ourselves. Tonight at dinner as we always do, the boys gave their thoughts on what made them happy during the day.
I’m always astounded by how simple are the things that make them happy.
"Jack" said he got to play many short games from his imagination, that the baby could say “truck” and that he had lasagna for lunch. Our eight year old got to work on his business plan and have buttered toast for snack. I'm noticing how their gratitude is so often about food. Hmmm... Speaking of food, our sprouts are coming up! Seeing them was one of the best parts of my day, and the boys were happy too.
The boys just were busy so they didn’t show it as much. Their impromptu games always look like they will end with someone in tears...
Overall we had a lovely day, and they all had an excellent violin practice so mom couldn’t be happier herself.
This made me realize that I think I’ve finally gotten a handle on my own thoughts on expectations.
We can have big overarching expectations for our kids, and that is overall quite good. It builds a sense of direction, purpose and sets goals.
But having day to day expectations for discrete elements of their experiences is counterproductive for all parties. It sets a person up for at least occasional disappointment. I never want the boys to see that in my eyes.
Funny though, I think this is the opposite of how I aim to live my life sometimes, as an adult. I have no idea what the future holds, so it would be rather foolish to set years out big picture expectations for myself, but I can be on it minute to minute, holding myself accountable to expectations I set. And these minutes, I just want my kids to know their mama is proud.
Our oldest asked me to take a picture of the full strawberry moon tonight, named after the sublime berries that ripen this month up North. It’s a colorful moon because of its low shallow path across the sky. I love my camera, however this was one better for the eyes.
But somehow I can still see the hope.
Dr. Laura Dr. Swae